I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
