That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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