I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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