At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
