You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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