Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
