I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
