Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
