I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
