so explain again why im purple
no
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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