Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
