masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize