So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize