think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
