I can text with my tongue
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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