We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
