bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
