hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
His nipple licking is glorious
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