well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
