he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
