Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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