check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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