Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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