Your face is a jimmy john
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
