News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
not ubering you a puppy
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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