So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
