1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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