I wish I could punch you in the face.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
