i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
