tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
