I wish I could punch you in the face.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
