so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
