I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
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