my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
