I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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