Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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