i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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