I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When did angry sex become our thing?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
