Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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