Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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