the condom got lost in my hair
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
