she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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