so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
