I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
