i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize