the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
