Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
