I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
