I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
