It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
