A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I could fuck to npr.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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