I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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