shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
