i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
