this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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