I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
