Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
