Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
