just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
