he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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