Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
