I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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