so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Panties = found
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
