Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
