So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
