Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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