so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
