Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
