I don't think brook has ever known best
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
