my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize