oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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