The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
