Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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