The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
