I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
