your parents love me but you hate me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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