Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
