So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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