somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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